Saturday Night and I Ain't Got Nobody
Ah, I lied about this being my last blog! I need the sweet release of writing to be OK! Must be the mark of a true writer or a desperate woman, take your pick.
My brother's computer is faintly freaking me out. But outside it is a gorgeous wind-tossed autumn night here in spooky ye olde New England, haunted by history and the sense that nothing much will ever happen here. I like it that way. I just created my very own pasta -- quite impressively delicious as I grow bolder with the cooking thing -- and PJ Harvey is on the CD player. Someone is getting their car towed by the looks of things outside -- there's some flashing lights, and it isn't a cop. Looks to be a tow truck! My powers of perception astonish me.
I am way stressed about money and finding a job, and hope the pain eases soon. An old high school friend of mine -- former friend, I should say -- left me a message earlier on my phone, apparently deluded into thinking we are still friends. When I was out in CA, I visited her and was treated to many of her alarmingly bi-polar like outbursts. I hadn't seen her for a billion years, so I shouldn't be surprised, since apparently half of all Americans will be diagnosed with some sort of mental or anxiety disorder at some point. If you believe everything you read, which I don't, but frankly it wouldn't surprise me. This is a seriously whacked-out denial-ridden society. And that's on a good day, people! Not to say I'm anti-American -- I ain't -- but this is not exactly an easy country to live in, land of the free and home of the brave or not.
I am stuffing chocolate into my mouth to ease the pain of everything. Addiction rules, yes indeed. I have a candle burning, which is nice, and am slowly making my way through a great book called The Snow Queen. I like fantasy, although this is more sci-fi, which I generally steer clear of, but in this case I've made a huge and lovely exception. Awesome book. Yes, it's another stellar Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody! Actually, I went out to a bar with the brother and the wife last night, which was actually pretty fun, although I don't like bars much. Irish pubs are fine, but I think bars are usually pretty icky places.
My sister-in-law's father was there last night, a very cool hippie kinda guy who, like me, listens much and talks little. We mostly listened to the older brother and wife exchange amusing commentary and Almost Get Into A Fight, which we both thought was funny. Ah, the married life!
I do find when I most want to be alone that people decide to call me. Not that I'm complaining. Friends are very important. But I get overwhelmed with too many people in my life, which is the mark of the True Introvert. Extroverts, on the other hand, love to be surrounded by people and thrive off of the energy. I do not, I feel drained by the night's end, or whatever the case may be, and half to go off alone to recharge my batteries. America is a very extroverted society, and it's not easy to be an introvert here. I saw a special on Finland, I think it was, once, and apparently there people are really shy and will barely talk to each other. I would fit right in!! God, what a relief that would be. I really tire of having to put on this competitive American face when in truth I just want to sink into gentle little me. When I'm feeling gentle, that is, teehee. Maybe the secret is to no longer do it.
Well, gee, thank you for the brain implant, Dr. Phil! I've solved one of my problems. Loverly!
Rest easy in the autumn leaves, wherever you may be.
My brother's computer is faintly freaking me out. But outside it is a gorgeous wind-tossed autumn night here in spooky ye olde New England, haunted by history and the sense that nothing much will ever happen here. I like it that way. I just created my very own pasta -- quite impressively delicious as I grow bolder with the cooking thing -- and PJ Harvey is on the CD player. Someone is getting their car towed by the looks of things outside -- there's some flashing lights, and it isn't a cop. Looks to be a tow truck! My powers of perception astonish me.
I am way stressed about money and finding a job, and hope the pain eases soon. An old high school friend of mine -- former friend, I should say -- left me a message earlier on my phone, apparently deluded into thinking we are still friends. When I was out in CA, I visited her and was treated to many of her alarmingly bi-polar like outbursts. I hadn't seen her for a billion years, so I shouldn't be surprised, since apparently half of all Americans will be diagnosed with some sort of mental or anxiety disorder at some point. If you believe everything you read, which I don't, but frankly it wouldn't surprise me. This is a seriously whacked-out denial-ridden society. And that's on a good day, people! Not to say I'm anti-American -- I ain't -- but this is not exactly an easy country to live in, land of the free and home of the brave or not.
I am stuffing chocolate into my mouth to ease the pain of everything. Addiction rules, yes indeed. I have a candle burning, which is nice, and am slowly making my way through a great book called The Snow Queen. I like fantasy, although this is more sci-fi, which I generally steer clear of, but in this case I've made a huge and lovely exception. Awesome book. Yes, it's another stellar Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody! Actually, I went out to a bar with the brother and the wife last night, which was actually pretty fun, although I don't like bars much. Irish pubs are fine, but I think bars are usually pretty icky places.
My sister-in-law's father was there last night, a very cool hippie kinda guy who, like me, listens much and talks little. We mostly listened to the older brother and wife exchange amusing commentary and Almost Get Into A Fight, which we both thought was funny. Ah, the married life!
I do find when I most want to be alone that people decide to call me. Not that I'm complaining. Friends are very important. But I get overwhelmed with too many people in my life, which is the mark of the True Introvert. Extroverts, on the other hand, love to be surrounded by people and thrive off of the energy. I do not, I feel drained by the night's end, or whatever the case may be, and half to go off alone to recharge my batteries. America is a very extroverted society, and it's not easy to be an introvert here. I saw a special on Finland, I think it was, once, and apparently there people are really shy and will barely talk to each other. I would fit right in!! God, what a relief that would be. I really tire of having to put on this competitive American face when in truth I just want to sink into gentle little me. When I'm feeling gentle, that is, teehee. Maybe the secret is to no longer do it.
Well, gee, thank you for the brain implant, Dr. Phil! I've solved one of my problems. Loverly!
Rest easy in the autumn leaves, wherever you may be.
posted by lakeofthelongsun72 at 4:06 PM
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